This week, I have found myself with a little more time to dedicate to this class. I am happy to say that I was able to do both parts of the reading and notes, the project and feedback, and the comments. With my major, it is very difficult to find free time, and sticking to deadlines and due dates is often a challenge due to late night rehearsals, meetings, and classes during the day. This weekend, I am working as the light board operator on a dance show, which has proved to be much less demanding than stage managing a show, and thus has offered me a few free moments.
I have found a lot of solace in working late nights at IHOP because it is open twenty-four hours a day. Last night, for example, I worked until 4am. It is a struggle for me to push through my heavy work-load, as far as classwork goes, because I am often so tired and so overwhelmed by the facets of my theatrical world. It takes nights like last night, when I find myself manically on a roll, for me to remind myself that I am, in fact, not a failure, not stupid, and not a bad student: I simply have a larger platter served to me than most. It is frustrating to feel down on myself, but I am learning ways to remind myself of my strengths. I really enjoyed working on some of the feedback assignments last night, and reading articles that placed emphasis on using the growth mindset and having a zero-tolerance policy for self-hatred.
Being a college student in today’s society is difficult; being a college student is difficult anyways, however, I do believe that there are social and economic factors that have increased the stakes for today’s students. I hope that I can continue to look ahead to my final moments as a student, when I will walk across the stage for my diploma, and be reminded that my hard work will pay off in the long run.