Yes, I used the word “doyenne” in my title. You will find that I will most likely also use words like “belladonna” and “quaintrelle” and “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.” No, I am not ‘different’ (maybe…), no, I am not ‘not like other girls,’ no, I do not date vampires (also maybe…), and yes, I did just use a double negative, and will continue to use too many parentheses. I like words. I like language, when used appropriately, and sometimes even when used inappropriately. I also like to write, which is part of what inspired me to take this class. Any course that I am able to write freely in, and am fact EXPECTED to write freely, is a number one is my book.
I am not an English major. I simply have a passion for language and writing and reading and literature. I am also not a music major, however, I have a passion for music of all kinds. I play the cello, when I have time, and am taking steps towards reviving my dedication to it. I am not an actor, although I strongly desire to perform onstage one day. I am also not a vocalist, but can definitely dominate a bar with three or four people swimming in their beers on Thursday night karaoke; and by the way, I love to do so.
I am in fact, a stage manager, at least for the time being. My life revolves around facilitating the fun things that the actors and singers and dancers get to do. I send out emails and type up paperwork, and often times, I feel as though I have a permanent residence in the copy room. My major is work, a lot of work, and while I do find it extremely rewarding at times, it is mostly my responsibility to act as an unsung hero and the one with the contingency plan (or the one with the pencils. “May I use one of those?”) I am very sassy, but don’t get me wrong, my major, or rather my job, is extremely difficult and requires a lot of dedication. My team is the first to arrive in the theatre, and the last to leave. If you ever have the pleasure and privilege of performing onstage somewhere, as an actor, dancer, singer, magician, or otherwise, please thank your stage manager and your stage crew. They put up with a lot of BS to make others look good, but we do it because we love the art that is created as a result of it. If you don’t have the privilege of performing, but find yourself at a corporate gala or product launch, thank your event planner. They perform some of the same duties as a stage manager, and are equally as dedicated (and stressed; although, they work hard to ensure that you never see this side of them).
Now, down to the nitty gritty. Who am I? I am a redhead. I love my planner, enjoy the nerdier side of pop-culture (and the nerdier side of not-pop-culture), and I eat a lot of Mexican food: possibly an unhealthy amount of Mexican food.The quickest way to my heart is queso; or feminism.
I am an aspiring doyenne, as stated above, and to clarify, a doyenne is defined as “a woman who is the most respected or prominent person in a particular field,” (courtesy of Google). What that means to me, however, is not to be the best, although I have always struggled internally with my raging desire to be number one at everything. To be ‘the most respected or prominent person’ is to have worked my ass off to achieve success. It means that I overcame seemingly unovercomable challenges, and stayed dedicated enough to be on top. I like to act with conviction, and speak with conviction. I am excessively insecure, but I am also excessively over-confident; incidentally, I am working to find the nice and fuzzy happy-medium between the two.
To be a doyenne also means that you are respected, not that you are liked. The two are not the same, however, respect carries a greater weight. I do not want people to hate working with me; in fact, I work very hard and consciously in my daily life to be a good person: to be truthful and compassionate and selfless. If I were taking a Buzzfeed quiz that asked what I would like to be known as, I would choose “the good,” not “the great” or “the wise” or “the powerful.” To be good, however, does not mean that you must be passive. To be compassionate does not mean that you are a pushover.
I aspire to push others to the edge of their ability and help them realize their full potential, while keeping a loving and guiding eye out, whether they know it or not. I also aspire to fight for those who are unable to fight for themselves. I do not like bullies, and will always come to the defenses of others.
I will make enemies, that is for certain. There are those who will be threatened by my success, and those who will be irritated by my “bleeding-heart liberalism.”
There are those who will call me a bitch, and those who have done so. As Madonna has said, “I’m tough, I’m ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.” At the end of the day, as long as I am not infringing on the rights of and intentionally causing pain to others, I am okay. At least, I am learning to be okay.
That’s me, in a nutshell, a very soapbox-y nutshell, I realize. I am a pretty intense person, but I have a love for others and a desire to do good. I like to think that I am both a lover and a fighter; but if you have taken nothing else away from this post, just know that if you need a fancy word, I’m your girl.